Basic Instructions for Dads

You would think something as important as being a dad would come naturally. 

Look at the honeybee. She doesn't have a cookbook telling her the recipe for Sweet Golden Honey. Nobody has to tell her which flowers to visit for fresh nectar and pollen. The queen emerges as a virgin and goes on her mating flight in a few days without a wedding planner. Worker bees don't hire a contractor or consult with an architect before building honeycomb that may last for years without breaking.

Yet, a young dad and his bride will bring home a newborn baby from the hospital, and without someone to teach them or some books about what to expect, they will take on a monumental responsibility of caring for this helpless, needy little person. They will be in charge of feeding, cleaning, protecting and teaching this little person.

Let's review some basics here and open a conversation in case you have any concerns or fears.

Basic Instructions for Dads:

1. You CAN'T hold a baby too much. I've heard people say things like, "Don't hold her all the time, you'll spoil her." Nonsense! Hold that baby. She won't be a baby for long, then she'll want down to crawl, walk, run and play. 
2. If she cries pick her up.
3. Get up with your baby in the night. Newborns don't sleep all night. They like to eat every four hours. Your wife needs some sleep. Nighttime feedings are a great time for you to bond with baby. If your wife chooses to nurse, tell her you'll handle some feedings if she will pump some milk.
4. Learn how to change diapers. Your wife will love you for it. Besides, the first time she leaves the baby with you to go shopping or to a ladies only party, your baby will poop all over herself. Be ready. It WILL happen to you.
5. Get a baby backpack. When she first comes home from the hospital she will be too little to ride in a backpack. In my experience, a baby needs to be around 3 or 4 months old to even try her in a baby back pack. But, let me tell you, when she is able to safely ride on your back, you both will find a new level of joy and freedom. We had a foster baby who would cry to be put in the backpack and ride on me.
   
6. Hold the baby while you're feeding her. Avoid propping the bottle up and letting her feed herself.
7. Make sure your baby gets a bath and fresh clothes every day.
8. Put your pediatrician's phone number in your phone. Call them if you have a question. Don't be embarrassed to ask a "dumb" question.
9. Keep your baby's social security number with you at all times.
10. Know which hospital near you takes your (or your baby's) insurance.
11. Don't panic. Remain calm in times of emergency or high stress. 
12. Take a breather. If you're getting stressed while caring for your baby, she will likely get stressed and cry even louder. It's okay to put her down for a few minutes while you regroup or call someone.
13. Baby sleeps on her back. Always lay your baby down to sleep on her back. As she grows, she may roll over on her tummy. That's fine as long as she does it on her own.
14. Playful stimulation is important. Put toys, mobiles, a mirror on baby's crib. I said ON not IN. 
15. Play soothing music for baby. We always had good results with Betsy Hernandez's "Hide 'Em in Your Heart Lullabies".
16. Avoid using the TV as a baby sitter. Even the youngest of children can get addicted to screens. You want to avoid setting your baby in front of the TV to watch endless hours of kids shows, or worse.
17. Read to your baby. It's old school, but she loves to hear your voice.
18. Wrap a newborn like a burrito. My wife would wrap a newborn in their blankie so tightly that I thought it would hurt them somehow. It turns out that the baby has been growing in mommy's belly which is a tight space. This YouTube video is not exactly how my wife does it, but the outcome is the same and it's a great example of a dad interacting playfully with his newborn.
19. If you're using formula for your baby, stick with the same formula. Don't be randomly trying a new formula without consulting your pediatrician. Mother's milk is best but it's not always possible. Sometimes it takes a minute to figure out what formula works best for your baby. When you land on something, stick with it.
20. Keep your newborn home the first two weeks. Except for visits to the doctor, don't be dragging that newborn baby out to visit your mother-in-law, or to the store, or event to church until she's at least two weeks old. She needs time to build up immunities. 
21. Talk to your baby. She loves hearing your voice. Talk to her. Sing to her. Tell her jokes. Recite the alphabet. The more she hears your voice in a loving and peaceful environment the more she will be at peace and able to rest comfortably.
22. Love on your baby's Mommy. Children feel safe and secure when mom and dad love each other and aren't' afraid to show it. Give hugs in the kitchen. Kiss goodbye every time you leave the house. Dance with Mommy. Hold hands. Snuggle.
23. Sneak off to the closet if you have to. After your wife has recovered from childbirth, you're going to want some action. She will to. The problem is, there's this third person around all the time. You can't get any privacy to make love. Have fun with it. Lay some pillows in the floor in another room, or closet, whatever space you have, and go at it. Just remember, another baby could soon follow.
    

This post is written from my perspective as a straight, white man. I've been married to the same woman for 33 years at this point. I do not mean any offense to people. Feel free to adapt this to your situation.